Therapy for Foster and Adoptive Parents

“Our children were harmed in relationship, and they will experience healing through nurturing relationships.”
– Dr. Karyn Purvis

It wasn’t supposed to be like this…

Adoption is so beautiful. A child needs a family, and you have the love and room in your life to provide a home. Finally, your dream becomes a reality as your child joins your family. Your hearts are so full they could just explode.

But then come the tantrums, hoarding food, lies, and defiance. You want to give them hugs, but they push you away. Focusing on anything for any length of time is almost impossible. Going in public causes you anxiety because you don’t know what might cause a meltdown this time. You ask what is wrong, but they can’t tell you.

You try what your parents did when growing up, or what you did with your birth children, but it either doesn’t work or only seems to make things worse.

It wasn’t supposed to be this… hard!

At this point, I know you’ve tried everything.

You’ve tried all the things your friends or family have suggested…

“Use a sticker chart.”
“Explain to them why their behavior is wrong.”
“They need to know who’s the boss.”
“You need to be consistent with your consequences.”
“If they don’t listen, take more things away.”

You’ve read parenting books and so many books on discipline. You may have even taken part in counseling before, and you were left out of the treatment process, ended up feeling blamed for your child’s behavior, or even worse, they told you to “give them back.”

You feel like a failure. You feel you are failing your child. You’re embarrassed… and you don’t know what to do.

Children who come from hard places need a different kind of parenting.

Traditional parenting strategies do not work and often make things worse.

Children who come from a hard place have often missed out on developing the trust and attachment with a caregiver that is essential in infancy. And adoptive parents who bring the baby home from the hospital often believe that their baby won’t have these struggles, but even babies know you do not sound, smell, or feel like their birth mom. They still experience grief and loss, which are experienced in different ways at each stage of development and will continue to be addressed through adulthood.

I get it. I understand how hard it is. Having fostered youth who experienced significant trauma and then adopting, I know the beauty of adoption.

But I also know the hard stuff.

Grief and loss are inherent in adoption, and children need help to grieve their losses, understanding their adoption story, and figuring out where they fit in your family (as well as in the world).

I help families build (or re-build) their connection with their child.

Educating you on your child’s behavior…

This is key to improving your relationship with your child and helping them heal from their trauma. You will learn about survival behaviors and how they helped them survive their difficult histories, which will help you respond to them with more compassion. You will also learn how to be a detective about their triggers and responses.

Developing attachment and trust…

If your child can do this, they’ll be able to let go of their survival behaviors. We will discuss how to incorporate activities that build attachment and trust, and you will learn how to find opportunities to build or re-build attachment and trust.

Teaching you effective parenting strategies and techniques…

You will learn effective corrective strategies while reducing outbursts and tantrums. You will learn about compromise, sharing power, re-dos, life scripts, and how these power tools will help you parent your child with their healing in mind.

Providing you guidance and support…

We will discuss your everyday struggles and battles. Then we will identify which strategies and techniques fit best. You did not create or cause your child’s problems, but you carry the responsibility of helping them heal from their hard beginnings. All along the way, you will have the support and guidance of a professional who knows and understands the unique needs of adoptive families.

This is high-investment parenting, but you are not alone in this.

Parenting children from hard places is HARD work, but the rewards are priceless.

Call me today for a free 15-minute consultation: (907) 691-4528. I’ll answer questions you have, and you can determine if we would be a good fit.